The Price of Peace in High-Performing Teams
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The awkward pause. The question that doesn’t get asked. The unspoken tension in a meeting where everyone’s being polite but no one’s being honest.
You can feel the tension in the room before anyone names it – or rather, before anyone dares to. Teams don’t avoid difficult conversations because they suffer from truth-telling.
It's most likely because they care. Or at a deeper human level, because we are biologically wired to seek belonging.
From an evolutionary standpoint, being excluded from the group once meant harm.
That’s still baked into us. So when a hard truth shows up – especially one that might challenge, upset, or confront a teammate – the nervous system signals to the brain, “Careful… you better not upset anyone here.”
And of course, people might be unwilling to speak up for multiple reasons.
Dominant leaders who invited challenge but didn't listen. Or caring leaders who overly consult the choir but don't take any action, leading to an apathetic team of disengaged folk.
Have you asked yourself why people might not be speaking up?
It's the no. 1 thing I see in teams and the thing teams report to me. Conflict avoidance.
Even the best teams aren’t immune. In fact, the more supportive the team, the harder it can be to speak up.
Because the stakes feel higher. “We get along so well — I don’t want to ruin that.” We confuse harmony with avoidance. And it’s a costly trade.
Why Good Intentions Hold Teams Back
I’ve worked with teams across corporate, Olympic sport, startups, and public sector organisations. There's nuance in different contexts, yet the same pattern shows up:
The more thoughtful and well-intentioned the team, the more likely they are to avoid tension.
It’s counterintuitive, but it makes perfect sense. When you care about your colleagues, you hesitate to disrupt the dynamic. You tell yourself: “It’s not the right time.” Or: “They already have enough on their plate.” So you say nothing.
But over time, silence becomes the norm. And that norm becomes a culture.
The irony? The teams who avoid discomfort in the name of unity usually erode the very unity they’re trying to protect.
It leads to:
Disengagement and apathy (from boredom or self-preservation)
Conflict avoidance (from comfort-seeking or fear)
Reduced innovation (from complacency or risk-aversion)
Talent waste (from lack of growth or exodus)
What a Magnolia Tree Taught Me About Teams
We’ve recently moved into a place in Kent — and in the garden, there’s a magnolia tree.
It’s spring now, and it’s beginning to blossom. Big, soft petals. It’s beautiful in that quiet, effortless way magnolias often are.
I’ve never tended to a tree before, and I'm genuinely finding that I have to rewire my unhealthy belief system that I'm no good with DIY. Thank goodness for YouTube!
I have no idea what I’m doing but I'm giving it a shot.
I’ve found myself standing beside it in the mornings, just… watching and noticing. And lately, I’ve wondered about the parallels between that tree and the teams I work with.
I know, proper strange mind. Maybe it's a sign of sleepless night with two young ones :)
And I wondered...
Unspoken tension in a team is a bit like unseen damage in a root system.
At first, you don’t notice. Everything on the surface seems fine. Nodding head, good conversations, and the occasional laugh in a meeting.
But underneath, something small has started to shift. A resentment not named. A difficult truth avoided. A slow erosion of trust no one has quite the words for.
And just like with a tree, you don’t always see the damage.
The teams that last - the ones that grow, regenerate, and withstand the storms – get interested, curious, and wonder.
They allow themselves to wonder what lies beneath.
The Psychology Behind the Silence
Social psychology has a name for this: the Abilene Paradox. It’s when a team collectively agrees to something - not because anyone truly supports it, but because no one wants to rock the boat.
In other words, silence is misread as alignment. But in reality, it’s discomfort disguised as agreement.
Teams often overestimate the cost of speaking up and underestimate the cost of staying quiet. But the long-term cost of silence is almost always higher: lost trust, reduced engagement, lowered morale.
And eventually? Cynicism creeps in.
The Trust–Clarity–Agency Loop
Here’s where my model comes in. I explore these three core elements within a team:
TRUST
Trust is the foundation of a high-performing team. Without it, performance erodes under pressure.
The strength of a team is measured by the level of honesty said out loud. When people feel connected... honesty and candour emerge. But it always starts with trust.
And trust starts within. So if you're avoiding conversations and not speaking up, look inwards first before trying to correct others.
CLARITY
Clarity ensures everyone knows where they’re heading, how they’ll get there, what’s expected and why it’s essential.
Without it, uncertainty spreads, and conflict avoidance increases.
When trust meets clarity, people don’t just have clarity on what to do, they take initiative to go after it.
AGENCY
Agency speeds up ownership, learning and decision-making.
Without it, people feel micro-managed. It empowers individuals to solve problems early, experiment, and develop the courage to challenge and disagree.
When people feel accountable to their role, they’ll be energised to drive results.
How High-Performing Teams Build the Muscle
Attending to 'team dynamics' is often an afterthought in business. There's hope that if you recruit the right talent, team performance and team culture will happen. It doesn't; it's the opposite.
Leaders, managers and teams not only understand 'what it takes to succeed' – they invest time and energy in understanding the determinants of team success specific to their context.
The surface tension, identify mindsets and behaviours for success, measure it, and refine it.
And most importantly – they’ve normalised truth-telling early, consistently, and kindly.
They do this by:
Using rituals and check-ins to discover and embrace tensions
Naming elephants that are being avoided
Rewarding thoughtful challenge - not just quiet compliance
Training for feedback and 'disagreeing well' like it’s a core meta skill
Questions you can use in your team meets
Want to begin changing the tone of your team culture?
Start with these individual and collective questions you can use:
Individual
Five years from now, if I were to regret something about how I showed up in this team, what might it be?
What’s the truth I wish I had said sooner?
If I stepped back and observed this team as an outsider, what would I notice we’re avoiding?
Collective
Five years from now, if this team were to fall short of its potential, what would have gone wrong?
If trust quietly eroded over time, what would the early signs be?
Looking back, what conversation will we wish we dared to have today?
What patterns are we rehearsing now that might become our undoing later?
What are we not saying that we probably should?
They’re simple. But not easy. And how your team answers – or doesn’t – is the real litmus test of psychological safety.
What's your Leadership Posture?
You'll see on the high-performing teams model - leadership features. It's because leadership plays a huge enabling fucntion of culture, performance and success. So often, though, leadership is framed as a style, like it's something that's fixed.
Leadership is not a style. It's a mindset and set of behaviours, developed through skillset, that's changeable.
Today requires adaptability and leaders who can change their posture for a given context. So, rather than looking at strengths and weaknesses, it sees behaviours as strengths that are expressed, under-pressed, or balanced.
It explores:
Which leadership behaviours do you express most typically
What leadership qualities are least expressed
And how you can flex your style based on what the moment calls for
It's been iterated over the years, and is very much in the final stages of development, so looking for a few volunteers to have a go and provide feedback.
Comment adaptable leadership in the comments or reply via email, and I'll drop you a message. It will be super helpful - so thank you in advance!