Unlock the Secret to Powerful Conversations
Discover the Power of these Two Magic Words: 10 Techniques for Improving Your Conversations.
It is a well-known fact that communication plays a pivotal role in our daily lives, and when utilised effectively, it has the power to significantly impact not only the lives of others, but also our own.
According to studies, the average individual engages in up to 27 conversations per day, yet the potential for meaningful impact in these interactions is often left untapped.
This is likely due to the fact that we often approach conversations in an ineffective manner.
You will learn today the importance of how two-words can build deep relationships, build trust faster and win more clients.
But first, here is some importance context.
We see conversation as a game of chess. But conversation is actually a bridge between two minds.
Instead of trying to dominate conversations, see what you can get from it and always have the first and last word, we should reconsider our mindset to communication.
A conversation should be like a dance, where both parties move together in harmony, listening and responding to each other in a way that is mutually enjoyable. To achieve this, we must focus on how we people make people feel, just as a couple dancing the tango would.
By focusing on the rhythm and flow of the conversation, rather than simply trying to assert our own views, we can create a more enriching and satisfying experience for everyone involved.
While some may be natural dancers, others may struggle to find their footing. I, for one, have always felt uncomfortable on the dance floor, preferring to take a backseat and let others lead.
This lack of confidence and presence can also manifest in our conversations. We may feel unprepared and reactive, unsure of how to navigate the conversation and make our voices heard. But just as we can learn to dance with practice and patience, we can also learn to take control of our conversations.
By developing our communication skills and cultivating a sense of presence and confidence, we can become more assertive and effective in our interactions with others.
Make no mistake though, steering a conversation does not mean dominating or controlling the conversation. Instead, it means you are helping others to thrive and flourish, navigating a positive outcome for everyone involved.
By guiding the conversation, we can create a bridge of understanding between us, fostering a deeper connection and mutual understanding. And as we continue to explore the art of powerful conversation, there are many techniques and strategies we can utilise.
But for today, let us focus on two simple words.
This two-word phrase allows for a deeper exchange of information and helps us to build trust and find solutions through collaborative problem-solving. By shifting our focus from "what's in it for me?" to "what's in it for them?", we can create more meaningful and rewarding conversations.
The magic two-word formula
So, what two words increase your chances of building trust, deepening relationships, closing sales deals, and improving your likability?
You will have heard them before and perhaps you will have used them in conversation yourself.
It’s TELL ME. Yes, that is right, tell me.
But context is everything. The ‘tell me’ phrase is like a seed that, when planted and nurtured, can nurture into a strong and lasting relationship.
But a seed, without the right conditions to flourish, may struggle to take root and wither away.
A conversation is no different. It is not what you say; it is when you say it, how you say it and, how you make people feel, that matters.
The four benefits for using the magic two-words
These are the key benefits for using the magic two-words:
It shows that you are listening and seeking to understand the other person's perspective. This can help to build empathy and create a more open and collaborative environment for conversation.
It encourages the other person to share more information and express their thoughts and feelings. This can help you to gather more information and get a better understanding of the situation.
It can help to build trust and rapport with the other person. By showing that you're interested in what they have to say, you can create a stronger relationship and foster a sense of understanding between you.
It can help to resolve conflicts and solve problems more effectively. By asking the other person to "tell me" about their perspective, you can gather more information and work together to find a solution that works for both of you.
How to put 'tell me’ into action
The words tell me can be used as a conversation starter or during the flow of conversation. Here are 10 ways to apply it.
Here’s how you can use it:
Rather than asking a colleague returning from annual leave, “Lucy, did you enjoy your holiday?” (which gives a yes or no answer), say “Lucy, welcome back, tell me about your holiday”. It is an open invite for Lucy to tell you what she wants to tell you.
If you are trying to start a conflict resolution or sensitive conversation, rather than jumping in to give your opinion right away, you might say, "Jamie, tell me, what is on your mind right now". Allowing someone to go first feels empowering to them, it shows that you are listening and want to understand their perspective. This can help to create a safe and open environment for the conversation.
If you are at a conference and you are wanting to meet new people, approach them with a smile and say, “Hi, I am Dean, nice to meet you. What is your name?”.
She replies, “Hi, I am Sarah, nice to meet you too”. You then say, “Sarah, tell me, I am intrigued, what brings you to this conference?”. Again, you offer warmth, an invitation for them to express whatever they wish, and you learn new information about that person.
You can use the tell me phrase in the flow of conversation. It helps you gather more information and build deeper connections. Here is how:
“you mentioned you find it hard to find motivation in the morning, tell me more about that”. Rather than making an assumption it is because of lack of sleep or not eating enough, they get to explain.
“you said unhappy and lost. Thank for sharing that. Please, I am here to listen, tell me more”. Picking up on emotional cues such as feeling unhappy makes them feel heard. You can then unpick what is causing the unhappiness.
“I am intrigued when you said you were lacking clarity, please, tell me more about this”. Rather than saying, “I am surprised you lack clarity because I have told you three times”, perhaps I was not clear, perhaps not. Give the opportunity to them to tell you.
Here are a few more examples of when you can use the phrase:
If you are trying to break the ice and start a conversation with someone you don't know well, you might say "Tell me a little bit about yourself" to get them talking and help them feel more comfortable. (Remember, this is different from the overused, tell me what you do for work).
If you are trying to understand a customer's needs and pain points, you might say "Tell me more about your current situation and what you're looking for in a product like ours" to gather more information and tailor your pitch to their specific needs.
If you are trying to overcome objections, you might say "Tell me more about your concerns" to show that you are listening and trying to understand the customer's perspective, and then address their specific concerns in your response.
If you are trying to build rapport and trust with the customer, you might say "Tell me a little bit about your story" to show that you are interested in getting to know them and building a relationship, rather than just making a sale.
You can apply the magic ‘tell me’ phrase in many conversations. It something I coach executives, leaders, and clients and the feedback has been incredible. Give it a try. See how you get on.
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